The most recent “mystery brunette” to skyrocket to tabloid fame is a New Mexico-based horse.
The brown beauty was last spotted whinnying and pawing the ground alongside two-time co-star, human Liam Neeson, on the set of his new film, “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.”
“I play a traveling impresario. We filmed in New Mexico,” Neeson recounted agog to Page Six. “The odd thing is the horse who pulls my wagon knew me. … He actually remembered me from another Western we made a while back.”
It was like Sandy crossing paths with Danny Zuko at Rydell High on the first day of school after spending summer nights making out under the dock. But with horse. And instead of engaging in bestiality, Neeson “fed him treats” and “gave him apples.”
“I love animals,” Neeson gushed. Not since he told his son to buck up and chase the girl of his dreams through a post-9/11 airport in “Love Actually” has the actor touched so many hearts.
Writer Anne T. Donahue tweeted a link to Neeson’s tale on Monday, calling it “the love story our generation deserves.”
“This is absolutely true,” Academy Award-winning actor Russell Crowe responded. This unexpected twist made my heart gallop out of my chest.
He went on: “There’s a horse George who I gave the speech in the forest in Gladiator on. Years later he was on the set of Robin Hood and we would have a chat everyday. Same with the white horse Rusty in Robin Hood we chatted again on Les Mis. Lifelong friends.”
Who are these Hollywood horses and where do I find them? What did Crowe and his “lifelong friend” chat about? Are horses’ Hollywood careers more enduring than many actresses’? Do animals really recognize these famous, white men or is this the celebrity equivalent of “she’s definitely flirting with me”? Do these intimate, inter-species relationships involve, er, horsing around? How do the horses feel about Crowe’s new beard?
One thing is for certain: “Horse-mances” are in. Talk about a Cinderella story, if Cinderella’s prince had fallen in love with her horse instead! There is no cuter coupling than a very famous actor man and his “who me? I don’t even know how pretty I am” horse friend.
To bag an A-list actor of your own, try replicating mystery brunette’s “it” horse look. We recommend stocking up on Mane & Tail shampoo, walking on all fours and responding to all questions with a flirtatious “neigh!” You’ll be saddled up with a Hollywood zaddy in no time.
HuffPost reached out to horse, which did not immediately respond to our request for comment.